Lost
by frostedgoddess
Summary: In losing what he holds most dear, Danny Taylor loses himself. DannyxMartin


**A/N**

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Danny was terrified.

He had faced down serial killers, rapists and a few suicidal runaways with a straight face and a steady hand. But one news report, and his fingernails were bitten to the quick and he was shaking like a leaf in a tempest. Sam was shooting frightened glances his way and Jack turned the white board so that Danny couldn't see which unlucky New Yorker had disappeared. He wouldn't have cared even if the person was the mayor. His wide-eyed gaze was fixed on a crappy television fixed to the wall in the office. A perky blonde woman with a microphone was reporting live from a plane crash. **The** plane crash. Martin had been on that plane headed back to New York City from working in another state for their last case.

"My name is Melanie and I'm here, reporting live at the New York Airport where a homebound plane has crashed just one mile from the incoming gate where it was supposed to land, exploding on impact and killing everyone on board. Incoming planes have been delayed across the board in order for the wreckage removal team to get in there and clear the wreckage for removal of the bodies. Initial plane analysis shows a basic pressurisation malfunction, leading to an inquiry into the factory that produces this model of jet engine. Back to you Danielle."

Danny sobbed. His best friend was gone. He felt broken, shattered, he knew, deep down that he would never feel OK again. He didn't know if he could even move anymore.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, a loud contrast to the hushed tones of his fellow workers as they tip-toed a wide berth around his desk. He took his phone out of his jacket pocket, an unfamiliar number flashed on the tiny screen in time with the vibrations. He flipped it open and answered, his own last name sounding foreign in his mouth.

"Taylor."

A slightly accented voice replied, "Ah! Monsieur Taylor it is I, Jacques from Le Pont de la Tour, confirming your romantic reservation for two at 7:30. Would you still like the table at that time?"

"Uh... no?"

"Excuse moi?"

"Something has uh... come up. I can't make tonight."

"Oh, well Monsieur, I'm sorry to hear that and I hope we may have your business with you and your special someone in the nearby future."

The dial tone beeped in his ear and he felt outraged. How dare Martin leave him when he was so close to coming clean to his friend? Martin's death hadn't dampened Danny's feelings for him, just made them all the more painful and difficult to hide. Why did Martin have to leave him? Why? It wasn't fair, he never even got a chance to explain, the blushing when their eyes met, the fact that he was always 'busy' when Martin offered to set him up and his innate hatred of Sam, even more so since she had dumped Martin and broke his heart. He could remember the last conversation that he had with the late Martin Fitzgerald.

_~~~Flashback~~~_

_"Hey Danny, are you alright there?" Martin's voice was laced with genuine concern_

_Danny nodded but averted his gaze, saying nothing_

_"I'll be gone for just under a week but do you maybe wanna grab dinner maybe with me, when I get back?" Martin stared down at his shiny black shoes resolutely; as if he were asking them instead of Danny and his hands were fisted in his pant pockets. Martin was nervous._

_"Oh sure!" Danny looked up hopefully at Martin who's smile cracked his tanned face in half with sparkling teeth._

_"I'm glad you said yes. I've already made reservations under your name and number because they always call to confirm and I'll be away."_

_"What restaurant did you book?" A ball of nervous energy started squirming in Danny's toned stomach and happiness thrilled through his fingertips._

_"Le Pont de la Tour" Martin's face flashed back from ecstatic to nervous again in a second and Danny knew why._

_"Isn't that the one that was described as 'Not getting the memo that Valentine's Day is only one day a year'?" The restaurant Martin had booked was renowned for its romantic atmosphere._

_"Uh yeah… I thought it would be kinda nice…" Martin was now sweating profusely_

_"I'd love to!" Danny grinned enthusiastically to assure his friend that he was really happy of the restaurant choice._

_Martin hugged Danny, clasping him to his chest before holding him at arm's length for a second then walking away._

_~~~End of Flashback~~~_

Danny was sobbing in earnest now and his knees were drawn up to his chest as he slid from his chair to the floor. He heard soft clicks as Jack's black shoes came to stop in front of him.

"Danny, go home." Jack was curt; he didn't have time for sobbing agents when the mayor had been missing for almost 72 hours.

Danny stopped sobbing like a switch had been flipped. He looked up, his gaze smouldering with angry hatred. Jack hastily took a step back and dropped it.

"Wait, Jack, you sure you don't need me?" Danny decided he could sob and scream at home, with the addition of privacy.

Jack opened his mouth to reply but he didn't need to, Danny was up and packing before Jack had given the go ahead. Jack swiped at the air as if to say "Don't mind me" but the target of intended motion was already out the door and waiting at the lift.

Danny got to his car and unlocked it before sitting in the driver's seat, tears streaming down his face and the engine started just in time to block out the first of the hysterical sobs. It was a miracle he didn't crash the car on the way home, by accident or on purpose.

~o0o~

Danny's apartment was far too quiet and too still so he switched on the radio for noise and began taking out the shards of Martin from his flat, and his life. The photos were the first to go, a messy heap of glossy copies of Danny and Martin grinning at the camera from various places all over the city. One from a football game, another from Martin's flat when neither of them wanted to be alone at Christmas and his favourite, a rather odd picture but his favourite none the less. It was a surveillance shot from the security camera at the office, it was of the first time he had met Martin. He left that picture on his coffee table; he couldn't part with it and put the rest in a cardboard box, followed by a few hideously patterned shirts that Martin had kept at his apartment for spare and then a few CDs and lastly a pair of suede bucks. He sealed up the box with duct tape and put in in the kitchen so he didn't have to look at it.

He crashed on his couch, switched on the TV but when he recognised Melanie from the morning news he switched it off just as fast. Then a feeling niggled in his chest, a certain kind of thirst that he hadn't felt for a long time. He needed a drink, and this time water just wouldn't cut it. He was determined not to fall to his long-dormant addiction. He tried drinking milk and then coke but the urge to get himself a straight scotch or vodka stayed with him like an itch he just couldn't quite get at.

He decided to go to sleep so that he would remove the temptation, now the coke didn't seem like a very good idea. He tossed and turned the whole night and got up with a grand total of three hours of sleep. He had a shower, shaved and got dressed but he still looked like hell, his hair stuck up and his eyes were carrying more baggage than Martin on holiday. He left for work, eyes dry and decided to throw himself into his work so he would be too busy to think about Martin. On the way out, a red light caught his attention. One message on his landline. He pressed the play button with his thumb and Martin replied,

"Hey Danny its Martin. I was just calling to check you still want to go to dinner when I get back and that the restaurant will call if they haven't already to confirm, if you change your mind tell them you don't want the reservation and I'll understand. I'll be home soon anyway so I'll see you then. It's Martin by the way."

Then Danny went numb, right where he had loved Martin so much he went numb.

~o0o~

He drove to work. He got out of his car. He took the elevator up to his floor and stepped out of the lift doors, barely registering a greeting from a co-worker who didn't really know him as a person. He drew up his seat and minutes later was totally immersed in phone records for the Mayor who still hadn't turned up. He was just about to move on to the credit card records when he heard a scream out near the elevator, his head flinched toward the noise for a second but it didn't sound scared but excited and figured he didn't need to move for the time being. He was flicking through a multitude of dinners that cost more than his rent when he got an unexpected neck rub and familiar voice breathing down his neck.

"Hey Danny, miss me?" said Martin Fitzgerald who was very much alive.

Danny turned around, brown eyes open in shock.

"What?"

Everyone was ogling the reunited friends, Sam's mouth was slightly agape, Jack looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach and Viv was blinking like there was something in her eye. But Danny, Danny was in shock.

"Martin?" Danny whispered, like he was afraid Martin would vanish in the slightest breeze.

"Yeah? What's going on?" Martin was puzzled as to why everyone was staring at him like he had grown another arm.

The shock had worn off and left anger in its wake, Danny was livid. "**What the actual fuck Martin?**" Danny's face was red and put his palms flat on Martin's chest before pushing him back hard enough to make Martin stumble a few steps away from Danny, "**I thought you were dead!**"

Martin was confused. "Why would you think I…" he was hastily cut off as Danny threw yesterday's paper in his face. "That's the plane I was supposed to catch…" Martin realized before Danny unexpectedly grabbed Martin, pulled him in for a bone crushing hug then slapped him. Martin grabbed the cheek and stumbled back, looking hurt. "I'm sorry for causing you trouble, I'm late because I slept in after trying to finish my reports overnight and missed my flight and took a later one." It was a pathetic excuse but it was the truth. Danny hugged his best friend again and whispered breathily in his ear "I'm just glad you're okay."

~o0o~

Work was over, the mayor had been found in an abandoned warehouse where his wife had left him to rot so she could run away with her lover and keep his money. Jack and Sam went to arrest them after Danny and Martin had found the man bound and gagged earlier that afternoon. But it was over now, the mayor's testimony would put her behind bars for life.

"Hey Danny, so you ready to go to our reservation at Pont de la Tour?" Martin coughed nervously

Viv had heard what Martin had said from the other side of the office, smiled knowingly and left fast to give the two boys some privacy.

"Actually, Martin, I cancelled our reservation." Martin looked gutted and turned around and went to pack up. All he could think was, "Danny doesn't want me. Why would he want _me_? I just let everyone down." Danny saw the crushed look on Martin's face and called out, "I cancelled because I thought you were dead, not because I wouldn't love to go to dinner with you." Martin grinned and Danny swore the sun came out even thought it was after 8.

"Takeout Chinese?"

"Takeout Chinese." Martin grinned even wider and leaned in quickly to peck Danny in the cheek.

"I'm sorry," he apologized "I couldn't help myself, is it... OK?"

"No." Danny replied, his voice flat and monotonous.

"Oh." Martin was horrified; he'd just ruined his friendship with his best friend.

Danny quirked his lips in a shadow of a smile "You missed."

Then he locked their lips for the first, but not the last time.


End file.
